Being in public, even just standing in the grocery store line with her adult son, used to be embarrassing for Annie. Her adult son can’t be still. He’ll start bobbing his head. His body is jittery. He could easily be mistaken for a tweaker. She shrugs. “You get used to it,” she says. And he’s done worse.
Having a child who lives with mental illness feels sort of like being the parent who carries a newborn and two toddlers with head colds on the plane for a red-eye, only more extreme. Nobody wants to be near that mess, and everyone has an opinion. Also, there’s a lot of glaring.
In the stares and clucking of distaste that parents of atypical children often absorb, there seems to be a less than subliminal message that these parents chose this messy life and if they only desired things to be different, it could be so. As if these parents are weak. But parents of children with mental illness did not choose this club. Their child didn’t either. There are coping skills to be learned, but like those toddlers on a plane, you cannot control air pressure, or sinus pain, or always fix whatever is bothering them.
A person who lives with mental illness sometimes displays odd behaviors. A person with an injured leg may walk funny for a while and it’s the same for an injured brain; it’s not so odd when you think about it in that way, Right? What’s distinctly different is that a child’s mental illness challenges the stamina of parental love like nothing else. That’s in addition to judgment from others. Rebecca, one of our Behind the Wall parents, explained how excruciating it could be when her daughter, Stella, accused Rebecca that she was not her real mother. Stella’s father, Dan, recounts discomfiting conversations with Stella about the chip in her head. But for Stella, who heard voices clearly and sensed smells that others did not, the chip theory didn’t seem so far-fetched. It did make sense to her because her brain was feeding her different signals than what others know to be reality.
Simply spending time with a person who is experiencing a manic episode and/or psychosis presents challenges. It’s not easy. Depending on where a person is on the spectrum of recovery, there are frequent lapses in logical thinking that sometimes lead to risky behaviors and self-harm. Once, Annie’s son broke into a store after hours. He busted the door, got in, then realized he didn’t know what he was doing and left. He didn’t steal anything but damaged the door. His actions didn’t make sense.
Sometimes there are scenes. Ugly scenes. Jennifer, who lives with bipolar and borderline personality disorder, had developed a history of rages and alcohol use by the time she’d reached high-school age. This behavior was never permitted or condoned by her parents. In one incident, Jennifer had been drinking and was raging and throwing things at her boyfriend’s house. Her boyfriend’s parents banned Jennifer. Sadly, they must have also spread the word that she was out of control and it was about bad parenting. Jennifer’s sister, who had never been part of any such incident, was banned from spending time with the family that lived next door to the boyfriend. A loved one’s illness leaks into all aspects of family life.
As one Behind the Wall parent says, most people don’t know what it’s like to have a loved one who lives with mental illness. Good for them.
Only those who’ve parented a child who lives with serious mental illness can truly understand the challenges involved and the breadth of behaviors that arise because of the illness. Even for these parents, there is much experience required to distinguish between typical bad behaviors versus behaviors driven by the illness. They can’t possibly always get it right.
Parents of children who live with serious mental illness, like those beleaguered ones getting on a plane, aren’t asking for anything more than a little understanding. As one Behind the Wall parent says, most people don’t know what it’s like to have a loved one who lives with mental illness. Good for them. Living with a serious mental illness and being a parent/advocate has challenges that can only be fully understood by others living a similar experience.
Parents whose children live with mental illness aren’t asking anyone to sidle up to their chaos. These parents are also past wishing to be well-liked because major concerns are about keeping their child safe and stable. Parents aren’t asking for solutions, or agreement, or sympathy. Pity is not wanted. Just please don’t judge. And if one were so inclined, even a small gesture of support and kindness goes far for a parent enduring a journey where parental love is infinitely tested.
As always, your feedback is welcome.
I just say, ‘he has schizophrenia.’You know, it is what it is!
Throughout the process of creating our collection of stories for our Behind the Wall project, most parents we interviewed had already passed through the hurdle of acceptance, or as one very astute parent clarified, she’d reached “radical acceptance”. (See post entitled, “Radical Acceptance” dated June 26, 2013.) Most of the parents we interviewed were living in the fluid state of “What do we do now?” And in the same way a yogi practices yoga, rather than ever fully mastering it, these parents practice the daily inhale/exhale of living with grief while also caring for one’s own well being. We’ve said it many times before: these parents are inspiring.
During one interview, however, a parent described her child’s illness without offering to share the psychiatrist’s diagnosis, insisting instead, “We don’t use labels.”
The stigma attached to serious mental illness is detrimental to those diagnosed and their loved ones. “We don’t use labels” means, “We won’t really say what the illness is because I don’t think my child can handle knowing it and neither can I. I don’t want others treating her differently.” This way of thinking is not uncommon when parents first learn their child’s diagnosis.
A diagnosis of a serious mental illness such as bipolar, schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, or serious depression, often comes after challenging chaos and endangering incidents. Frequently, the most accurate diagnosis is preceded by several near misses. Settling on a correct diagnosis can be a complicated process. So when a parent hears, “Serious mental illness,” it makes sense to wonder, “Is that really it? Are we jumping to conclusions?”
These are sentiments many Behind the Wall parents harbored while moving toward acceptance. After her son was diagnosed, Bianca would sometimes think, “Schizophrenia? Maybe he’s just having a bad day. Maybe he just smoked too much weed.” Or, she’d say, “Maybe it’s bipolar. Because bipolar is more socially acceptable than schizophrenia!” All the while, she knew her son was very ill.
But not addressing the illness directly inhibits acceptance by loved ones, the caregiver, and most critically the ill person. An individual living with serious mental illness simply cannot reach recovery without accepting the diagnosis and treatment required to effectively manage the illness. Maybe a parent refuses to “label” because she doesn’t want her child to believe he is flawed or less of a person. One may fear the child will use the diagnosis as a crutch or excuse. A parent doesn’t want her child to be treated “differently.”
Life is more difficult with any untreated illness.
Here’s something to consider: a person living with untreated mental illness already knows she is different in some way. Life is more difficult with any untreated illness. And those who are in recovery almost always recognize the importance of owning their illness and calling it what it is: a challenging, incurable condition that was not caused as consequence of their own doing.
And while society and the media are still slow to come around to speaking accurately about mental illness, when a person’s immediate community accepts the illness without confluence of inferiority, so will the diagnosed individual. When loved ones rally to support a lifestyle conducive to managing the illness, that is, treats him (differently) with perhaps more compassion and understanding, his life gets better the same way a person managing diabetes must be supported in his lifestyle requirements.
Decades ago, our mother reminded us, that a person would never announce his cancer diagnosis, likely because it was a death sentence. Also, it was terribly impolite. But today there are good treatments and website pages where a person announces his illness, his stage of recovery, and welcomes supportive posts from loved ones. Even money for healthcare is accepted. As it should be.
Today, serious mental illnesses can be managed too. There are set backs. But those who have the best chance for recovery are those who own the illness, accept the diagnosis and treatment. As it should be.
Let’s talk about mental illness in a real way. There is hope. It’s a serious illness that needs proper due.
Your comments are welome.
The dangers of “coddling” a child who lives with serious mental illness. Five ways to be supportive instead.Posted: July 31, 2014
My biggest mistake was trying to fix everything for him. He never learned how to do it on his own.
This is what a mother of an adult son who lives with serious anxiety and depression now says. From an early age, Jonathan* seemed more sensitive than other kids. During adolescent and teen years he showed symptoms of anxiety and depression. His mother tried to resolve issues for him because mothers want to make things better. But in doing so, she’d give him the solution rather than allow him to make his own way through problems. She did the heavy lifting to get him out of his darkness. She’d say, “Let’s go for a walk.” Or, “How about I take you somewhere.” “Maybe we should watch a movie.” In other cases, she’d shield him from potentially difficult situations. She tried to rescue him. “That was my mistake,” she now admits.
… finding the fine line between being protective and supportive versus coddling for an overly sensitive or atypical child can be shifty.
Protecting a child from physical harm and nurturing through difficult emotional benchmarks are givens in a mother’s job description. But finding the fine line between being protective and supportive versus coddling for an overly sensitive or atypical child can be shifty. Parents we interviewed for Behind the Wall described atypical children who almost always had real limitations in social and school settings caused by anxiety or over-sensitivity. Sadly, it is not uncommon for a spouse or the child’s other parent to disagree about where the line of competency exists, creating friction in the home and between family members resentful of “special treatment”. Disagreement between parents about a child’s competency can have devastating consequences. Expectations that are too high can be overwhelming and unduly stressful. Low expectations send the message that parents lack confidence in their child. An awareness that parents are disputing one’s competence can also create guilt and self-esteem issues.
Madeline Levine, psychologist and author of The Price of Privilege and Teach Your Children Well advises, “Never do for a child what he can do for himself”. This includes navigating on one’s own through difficult emotional territory with support from parents. A parents’ job is to prepare a child to live successfully in the world. Experience is truly the best teacher, and parents are uniquely qualified to provide such opportunities for trying new physical, mental, and emotional challenges. Coddling, by definition, prevents experience and important failures from which one learns. Being supportive means presenting a child with choices and allowing him to gracefully fail and succeed at his own pace along the path he chooses.
For a person who lives with mental illness, though, the line of competency can shift day-to-day, sometimes hour-to-hour depending on the person’s current state of recovery. Sometimes, that line moves backwards.
Here are ways our Behind the Wall parents show support and avoid coddling:
Be honest. Being honest with a loved one about her mental illness and her current state of recovery is the crucial first step toward her recovery. Being well informed by credible sources about the diagnosis and seeking evidence based treatments are necessary for recovery. Ultimately, a person cannot reach recovery without moving toward it on his own volition, which may require professional motivational help. Managing an illness successfully requires knowing facts. Shielding facts in an effort to protect another from the stigma of mental illness only serves to obfuscate the path to recovery.
Give your child responsibilities. Everyone needs responsibilities. Having a goal each day fosters success over time, even if on some days the goal cannot be reached. As one Behind the Wall parent says, even though her son was not yet able to live on his own, he wasn’t broken; he could still clean his dishes. It just may take a little longer for him to remember to do it. As Dan says of expectations for his daughter who lives with schizophrenia, she is responsible for living the best way she can. All of us owe ourselves the self-respect to work every day toward learning better management of one’s own health; for a person living with mental illness it is certainly more challenging than most and often means taking medications and recognizing when treatments are not working. A person may do better one day than others, and may even fail, but everyone has the responsibility to try again. And loved ones must provide support everyday without judgment or criticism.
Teach strategies rather than provide solutions. Keep an ongoing dialogue. A person living with a brain disorder may not always be capable of rational or logical thinking. Sometimes, a person may believe that loved ones or even non-existent people are trying to inflict harm. There is no amount of rational talking that can convince a person who is experiencing psychosis otherwise.
But that doesn’t mean a parent or trusted loved one shouldn’t keep trying to show—by asking questions, for example—how to logically work through paranoid or disjointed reasoning. When her son is experiencing psychosis, Bianca points out behaviors and symptoms that indicate irrational thinking, and helps him to see he is not well. When doing well, she describes the behaviors that reflect failing mental health. She will tell him, “When you were in the shower for six hours, that was not healthy.” She will ask him, “When you’re not doing well, what are some things you can do?” A constant dialogue about recognizing symptoms of one’s worsening illness may be helpful to a person who is in the long and difficult process of learning to manage his own illness. Bianca encourages her son to take a daily inventory of symptoms and think about what has worked for him in the past and what he can do in the future. More than once, Bianca’s son checked himself into the hospital.
Provide an escape plan for potentially stressful situations instead of not trying at all. Along the lines of teaching strategies, avoiding any situations that may have potential for stress can limit an individual’s engagement with community and chances to develop new skills. But stressful situations without an escape strategy can have devastating consequences for a person living with mental illness. Sometimes, social events are unavoidable, or an individual desires to try a new experience. Discussing an escape plan in advance empowers an individual with agency to determine when a situation becomes overwhelming and to act upon it. Planning ahead develops problem-solving skills for managing the ever-changing limitations of one’s mental illness. Behind the Wall father, Dan, encouraged his daughter to pursue a demanding education while emphasizing the always-available option to drop a class should she begin to feel overwhelmed. Bianca, a Behind the Wall mother whose son lives with schizophrenia, prepared her son in advance of attending a wedding. If the crowd became too much for him, she explained, it was acceptable for him to go outside and take a walk or go home. Now, when they go out to dinner, he gets up and goes outside if he needs the escape and nobody is concerned, critical, or judgmental.
Failures are memorable lessons, and with support from a team, a failure can be a safe learning experience.
Welcome failures as opportunities to learn and never be judgmental. Perhaps the most difficult guideline to follow when parenting any child, but especially one who lives with persistent mental illness, is allowing for failure. A person with brain disorders frequently faces situations in which “failing” may pose lethal risk. Failure to manage one’s illness can lead to a psychotic episode, possibly resulting in self-harm or victimization. Assertive Community Treatment (ACT), an evidence-based treatment, provides people with mental illness a safe environment to try new life skills. Failures are memorable lessons, and with support from a team, a failure can be a safe learning experience. One example of ACT service is “supported employment” in which a person’s employer and case manager work in cooperation to increase the employee’s success. The case manager facilitates understanding between employer and employee, assists in working through obstacles and potential job challenges such as communication problems, stressful hours, or short-term memory deficits common for individuals with brain disorders. ACT provides similar support for college students managing communications with instructors and stressful course loads, for example. By providing well-trained advocates to teach and reinforce practical life skills and strategies, ACT decreases day-to-day logistical load for families who are hesitant to allow an adult child to fail.
By the time Jonathan, whose mother admitted she had not allowed her son to fail, reached his early twenties, an age by which he could have begun to understand how to manage his illness, he continued to experience increasingly severe and unmanaged anxiety and depression. He was not progressing in life as he thought he should. He sought help from an uninformed practitioner who did not offer talk therapy but prescribed marijuana** for severe anxiety, which over time, compounded his issues. Though one of Jonathan’s parents is a physician, he refused to listen to advice from either of them. Fortunately, Jonathan finally recognized his anxiety and depression was debilitating and he had not acquired effective tools to manage his illness. He agreed to seek treatment from a doctor recommended by his parents and his life has been improving.
*Names and identities are changed to protect anonymity of the (usually adult) children of Behind the Wall parents
**Studies show that marijuana use is “…potentially dangerous for people with mental illness.”
From National Alliance on Mental Illness web site (www.nami.org):
The overwhelming consensus from mental health professionals is that marijuana is not helpful—and potentially dangerous—for people with mental illness. Using marijuana can directly worsen symptoms of anxiety, depression or schizophrenia through its actions on the brain. People who smoke marijuana are also less likely to actively participate in their treatment—missing more appointments and having more difficulty with medication-adherence—than people who abstain from using this drug.
The relationship between marijuana and psychotic illness, specifically schizophrenia, has been studied for many years and is receiving increasing publicity in the mainstream media. Certainly not all people who smoke marijuana will develop schizophrenia, but people who are at risk of developing this illness—including individuals with close family relatives that have severe mental illness—will be more likely to experience psychosis if they are using marijuana. In this population of individuals, people who regularly smoke marijuana are diagnosed with schizophrenia at a younger age, hospitalized more frequently for their illness and are less likely to experience complete recovery even with high quality treatment. This is particularly concerning, as approximately one-third of people in America with schizophrenia regularly abuse marijuana.
From the Royal College of Psychiatrists website (www.rc.ac.uk):
There is growing evidence that people with serious mental illness, including depression and psychosis, are more likely to use cannabis or have used it for long periods of time in the past. Regular use of the drug has appeared to double the risk of developing a psychotic episode or long-term schizophrenia. However, does cannabis cause depression and schizophrenia or do people with these disorders use it as a medication?
Over the past few years, research has strongly suggested that there is a clear link between early cannabis use and later mental health problems in those with a genetic vulnerability – and that there is a particular issue with the use of cannabis by adolescents.
I’m sitting in the baseball stands watching my son’s game when a young boy’s anxious voice calls, “Mom! Mom!”
Though a parent is acutely attuned to her own child’s distinct cry, our biology snaps us to attention when we here these words, even if the voice only marginally resembles one of our own, which is why all the women and most of the men swung their gaze toward the boy. It was the anxiousness in the boy’s voice that got to us, a tinge of worry and need that reaches right into your gut and shakes your brain stem.
I don’t remember what the trouble was, but a few of us began to stand, unconsciously moving toward the boy because we would have willingly helped him until his parent surfaced because it was not the kind of sound a child makes when whining for a soda or irritated by a little brother. In his cry there was vulnerability, a sense of loss and, “I’m scared.” There seems nothing more powerful than sounds of a genuinely frightened or pained child. Nothing.
Countless parenting books offer advice on everything from breastfeeding to curbing tantrums, but the one thing we don’t need to learn is how to know one’s child is hurting emotionally. We feel it ourselves, deep into the marrow of our beings, even if we don’t know how to help. Parents have an inexorable need not just to nurture and protect but also to make everything ok. To fix it. Ask any parent of a child who has suffered and they will tell you, “I wish it were me instead of him.”
When one’s child calls out for help, we become single-minded, our adrenaline surges readying for the battle to protect our young. We may even knock over a few parents in our path to get to our own. For me, when that frightened call comes, there is a wee sense of relief, or gratitude that my child had the wherewithal and trust to call upon me. Me! It’s selfish, and maybe misdirected pride to be chosen to protect my most precious thing in life.
Imagine how heartbreaking it is, then, and counter to our biology when a child won’t ask or take a parent’s help and instead puts himself in danger. Parenting an adult child with persistent mental illness is frequently excruciating for this very reason. The illness teases and manipulates every fiber of the parenting coda to protect and just fix it.
I’m thinking in particular of Kelly Thomas, a twenty-seven year-old schizophrenic man who was experiencing psychosis. His parents loved him, kept their home open to him, tried their best to keep him in treatment. But Kelly was sick and preferred to wander the streets, a common theme with people suffering with psychosis and schizophrenia.
Thomas was brutally beaten to death by Fullerton, California police officers for not cooperating. And “brutally beaten” doesn’t really describe what happened to Thomas, who was unrecognizable when the officers were done with him. The officers apparently lacked any compassion or understanding of serious mental illness, and had become impatient with Thomas’s inability—due to his easily detectable psychosis— to follow instructions to, “Put your hands behind your back.” The beating has been captured on video and it is clear Thomas is confused by the instructions given to him when he says, “Like this? Is this what you want?”
Also in this video, one too painful for me to watch to completion, are the clear cries for help when he calls out, “Dad! Dad!”
The calls to his father are crushingly heartbreaking. He is afraid, and anyone able to watch the video wants to rush to him, and save him. His feeble cries remind us that he is someone’s child. He calls out to a father he trusts to help him, who has earned this trust that Thomas can even recognize and remember while in a psychotic state. He calls to a father who is sadly out of range to come to his aid. There is nothing more devastating than knowing your child called out to you and you weren’t there.
And sadly, for those who have children living with serious mental illness, stories like Kelly Thomas’s are not uncommon.
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At the last annual National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) conference a controversial speaker, Robert Whitaker, was invited to talk about psychiatric drug use in treating serious mental illness (SMI). Mr. Whitaker is not a doctor but has won journalistic awards primarily in the areas of medicine, science, and history. He receives a lot of traction when he advocates treating mental illness without medication and cites studies to back up his claims.
His NAMI lecture focused on dangers of current drug protocols and methodologies that are standard in psychiatric care. Among other disturbing ideas, he cited studies indicating brain shrinkage from long-term psychiatric drug use, and that patients who never start on drug therapies have a better long-term outcome than those on medications. Mr. Whitaker advocates “selective use” of psychiatric drugs, and a reevaluation of drug treatment efficacy for children, claiming a link between drugs used to treat ADHD and a higher rate of pediatric bipolar disorder.
In the audience that day was a twenty-two year old man diagnosed with schizophrenia. That same day, the young man quit his medications. Cold turkey. His mother wrote to journalist Pete Earley, a mental health advocate, author, and father of a son living with schizophrenia, who then posted her email on his blog (http://www.peteearley.com). “Angry Mom,” as she named herself, blames NAMI and Mr. Whitaker if anything happens to her son because she knows how sick her son is and that nothing good happens when he’s off his meds. There will be “blood on their hands,” she says.
Hearing Mr. Whitaker question drug therapy makes most of us who have a loved one living with a serious mental illness (SMI) cringe. I mean a full-body Cringe. Not because we love drug companies or are close-minded. In fact, much of what he says makes a certain amount of sense and could be helpful toward treating SMI patients in the future. But saying it out loud is lethally dangerous.
I’m guessing Mr. Whitaker doesn’t live with a person diagnosed with SMI. If he did, he’d know patients living with bipolar, schizophrenia, and schizoaffective disorder typically have concrete or rigid thinking, a symptom of which is the constant obsessing over an idea, and an inability to think abstractly or fluidly. So, when a twenty-two year old man with a schizophrenic brain heard “drugs have serious side-effects” and “patients do better without…” that is all he heard, not the more nuanced message that included, according to Mr. Whitaker’s response to “Angry Mother,” that, ”[Drugs] could be used to help some patients recover from an initial episode, and they could be continually prescribed to those patients who can’t seem to do well off them.”
“Angry Mom” knows a lot about her son’s condition and if she says he needs medication, I’d believe her. Nothing like a stranger coming in and introducing an idea that undoes all the work she’s put into getting him to stay on meds, and not just to be functional, but alive.
One parent /contributor to Behind The Wall: The True Story of Mental Illness as Told by Parents claims she will never again question her son’s doctors about his meds in his presence. By merely asking his doctor, “Can’t he get off some of these?” her son, not seeing that she was exploring the idea, went off all of them, cold turkey. Weeks later, he became psychotic, landed in jail, and often couldn’t recognize her. She blames herself for questioning the drug cocktail in front of him. Another contributor put it this way: the drugs are awful and why wouldn’t a person want any chance to go off of them?
No one can dispute that side effects of psychiatric drugs are horrible: excessive weight gain, tremors, loss of appetite. One contributor to Behind The Wall said her son went (temporarily) blind from one drug. Another put him at risk for a heart attack. Another drug doctors continually recommend could kill him. It often takes several weeks to get a drug cocktail correct, then that too can change. But there’s a trade off. Catherine’s son, Philip, was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. But Philip’s father didn’t support drug treatment and his psychosis persisted on less effective medication. Eventually, while alone, and not monitored to ensure he took his medications, Philip committed suicide at age nineteen. Drug therapy would have prevented these devastating outcomes.
Mr. Whitaker’s drug-reduction advocacy is not meant to harm. Any parent would insist on reducing the drug load for their child living with SMI if they could stay well without them. And we won’t discuss medicating pediatrics here, except to say, it’s never an easy decision.
But some of Mr. Whitaker’s claims ignore other studies that provide at least partial explanation, for example, as to why recovery rates for SMI are reportedly higher in some third world countries. Countering his suggestion that the cause for lower recovery rates is because of over prescribing, we can look Tanya Marie Luhrmann’s essay, Beyond the Brain, from last year’s The Wilson Quarterly* cited in our post, “Society’s Way or Best Way,” regarding societal structure and community impact on MI.** Stress and isolation play a big part. Mr. Whitaker also cites a study showing mentally ill patients who are not on drug therapies do better in the long run. There are many SMI patients who, without medication put themselves in grave danger. If a patient isn’t so psychotic or manic that they can stay safe without medication, then yes, one can see they will be the ones who do better in the long run. That is NOT the kind of patient Mr. Whitaker means to be speaking about.
But that’s not what that twenty-two year old heard.
Mr. Whitaker’s focus is on shifting drug protocols, and uses science to back it up. But even he admits that the current health system (and our society) is not structured for long-term minimal drug therapies. In his response to Angry Mother, Mr. Whitaker seems to acknowledge risks in his advocacy when he says, “We, as a society, have not developed a system of care that provides support to someone who might want to taper from his medications, and help that person try to do so in a safe manner, even though we know that it can lead to a good outcome for many. And the absence of such support may put a person—such as this mother’s adult son—into a perilous place when they do, in fact, learn of such information.”
If our society could develop deeper compassion for people living with brain illnesses, reduce stress caused by our societal structure, and put our loved ones who live with SMI in a safe environment for a year or two— time for their brain to cool, maybe we could begin to have this ideal treatment methodology Mr. Whitaker proposes. Mr. Whitaker offers a hope for a tolerable treatment for SMI that we, a supposedly humane society should strive to realize. What Mr. Whitaker never offers, is an apology. Because he’s giving out an idea that many SMI patients simply cannot have. At least not now.
But that is not what that twenty-two year old heard.
Research and evolving brain studies do offer hope for non-drug and selective drug therapies for SMI. And a broad range of seemingly worthy studies identifies the multiplicity of factors contributing to SMI and to recovery— factors that are varied, complicated, and unique to each individual. No one’s mental illness is like the other, nor is their recovery. And for parents trying to keep their adult child living with SMI healthy and alive, they want to stay with what’s working.
Complicated, varied, and irrational. That’s what mental illness is. Maybe we cringe because it all sounds too good to be true. No drugs? Please don’t tease us, Mr. Whitaker. Don’t even tell us until hope really is here.
* Tanya Marie Luhrmann’s essay, Beyond the Brain, from last year’s The Wilson Quarterly: http://www.wilsonquarterly.com/article.cfm?aid=2196#.UOR7b8OB6j0
NAMI provides information and resources about treatment for mental illness: http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=About_Treatments_and_Supports
For further information about Robert Whitaker: http://www.robertwhitaker.org/robertwhitaker.org/Home.html
Huffington Post blog by Robert Whitaker that clarifies his perspective: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-whitaker/anatomy-of-an-epidemic-co_b_555572.html
As always, we are interested in your thoughts.
Mental Illness and the Medical Industrial Complex: parent / advocates can be a doctor’s best resource and yet are often undervalued.Posted: August 3, 2013
Proper treatment—talk therapy and appropriate medication—can save the life of a person with mental illness. Often it is a parent/ advocate driving toward that ultimate goal, one met with a myriad of obstacles. Every parent interviewed for our Behind The Wall project had at least one, if not several, hideous experiences with the “medical industrial complex.” We use this term to illustrate the oftentimes bureaucratic, impractical, impersonal, demoralizing system for patients with mental illness and their families. Our last post, Just Another Friday Night in Lock-Down is the story of one parent’s emergency room experience with her son.
Most common problems parents cite were caused by a general “one-size-fits-all” approach and more specifically, doctors who did not value the medical histories and insight parent/advocates could provide, health insurance policies that limit care or end treatment prematurely, obscenely long wait times in emergency rooms, a dearth of available, quality in-patient treatment facilities, and medical professionals who are poorly trained or administered medications inappropriate for a particular individual. Perhaps the most galling of all are restrictions framed by HIPAA laws, which were designed to guard patient privacy but in reality, excludes caregivers from direct information interchange with medical professionals despite their unique and experienced knowledge of the patient.
An individual living with mental illness usually has a long history of trial and error therapies. Contributor/parents to the Behind The Wall story collection have learned to adhere to a few critical and practical methods in dealing with the medical industrial complex. First, they constantly remind their over-eighteen child to sign the HIPAA waiver when they are in treatment and ask for one if it is not offered in order to allow medical professionals to communicate with a designated adult. Unfortunately, a person experiencing psychosis doesn’t always have practical matters, such as paperwork, top of mind. Second, parents advise, keep medical records of all treatments well-organized and close at hand. Many parents joke about binders filled with medical paperwork lining their shelves, overwhelming their offices. Because of the complex nature of diagnosing mental illness, it is crucial that each medical professional involved understands past treatments and outcomes. While a patient in crisis may present common symptoms, the go-to treatment may be potentially dangerous to some individuals.
One such patient, Miguel, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia, has never been able to tolerate a typical therapeutic dosage of most go-to medications. Once he gained fifty pounds in a week. Another time he lost his vision at a nearly full dose. One medication put him at risk for cardiac arrest. Luckily his mother maintains excellent records and researches medication so that when a doctor prescribed Clozaril, a heavy-duty drug known to be potentially legal to a small percentage of individuals, she was able to convince the doctor to find an alternative even though his symptoms were severe. Since Miguel experiences side effects to some degree with every medication, she knew a hard-core drug would be especially risky for Miguel.
Kerri’s son, Thomas, was living in a group home that was not her first choice but was decided upon by her insurance. There was no psychiatrist on premises. Instead, a prescribing nurse met once a week with residents to assess drug treatments. While living in the group home, Thomas complained about depression. The nurse prescribed Prozac, a medication that in the past had made Thomas highly agitated. Kerri doggedly tracked down the nurse at her off-site office and informed her of the negative reactions her son experienced when prescribed any SSRI medications and luckily, together, they were able to find an alternative.
In these cases, a parent was closely monitoring their child’s treatment and a doctor listened. One can only imagine what happens when there is not an advocate overseeing treatment. Or, in Marie’s case (from last week’s post, Just Another Friday Night in Lock Down) when a doctor ignores a parent’s pleas not to administer a benzodiazepine to her addict son.
Dan and Rebecca also closely monitor their daughter, Stella, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia and lives a few hours away from where she attends university. Stella called her parents saying she wasn’t feeling quite right, to which her parents urged her to visit the university health center. Later, Dan and Rebecca received a call from the medical center stating that Stella would be checked into a hospital. “If you don’t do it,” the nurse said, “the university will.” Dan rushed to retrieve his daughter and drove her to an emergency room at a well-respected hospital close to their home. They were ushered into a room with, as Dan describes it, “soft furniture,” where they waited over ten hours and still did not see a psychiatrist. Dan realized that sitting in the dismal waiting room was more damaging and stressful than not seeing a psychiatrist. It was also a Friday, and she wouldn’t have received treatment over the weekend. He took Stella home to rest for a long weekend and she was able to return to school and resume her life.
Dan followed a third bit of advice that other parents cite, which is to “trust your gut” because, as Dan explains, you know your child best. He advises parents to “strike a balance” between listening to medical professionals and using one’s own observation skills. After all, the doctor is exposed to a data set limited to a short observation window and medical records. They don’t know the person. Says Dan, “You might be told, ‘I think we’ve nailed it with this combination of meds,’ and you’re looking at your kid and she’s not there, it’s not her. You have to say, ‘No, I don’t think what I’m seeing is working.’”
There are many pieces that need to align before a person with mental illness can reach recovery, and having a trusted advocate is an invaluable one. The stigma around mental illness certainly impedes treatment; more troubling is that based on the experiences of our contributors, stigma seems to be perpetuated by the medical industrial complex itself.
HIPAA laws are a formidable barrier as well. That a medical professional cannot provide information to the parent/advocate is an obstacle to constructing full-circle treatment where all parties vested in the health of the patient are well-informed. Esme always made a point to contact Jennifer’s therapist to tell her what was really going on at home because she suspected her daughter didn’t always tell the truth in therapy. She would call and say, “I’m just feeding you information…” hoping to increase the efficacy of her daughter’s treatment, but never really sure what was transpiring.
After Kerri’s son was placed in a psychiatric hospital, it took two days for her to learn where he was, and when she arrived to visit him, the receptionist would not tell her and her husband where he was. It’s against the law, after all, until he signed the paperwork. A young man who was experiencing psychosis forgot to ask for the paperwork. Imagine.